On Wednesday, April 21st, 1999, I was in the third grade. While I was bullied at that time, I had no issues with learning or doing my homework. Overall, though I did not have many friends, I had as normal a life as possible.
Yet, on this day, instead of stepping off the bus and going straight to class, I had a mission. It had nothing to do with me, yet because I heard about it on the news the previous night with my family, I felt I had to tell everyone.
On Tuesday, April 20th, 1999, approximately 1,074 miles from my elementary school in Louisiana, two disturbed young men, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, went to their school, Columbine High School, and killed 13 of their fellow students and a teacher before they killed themselves.
The shooting had happened during school on that Tuesday. The news had already spread from local Colorado news affiliates to national and international news outlets before Tuesday had even ended.
Yet, getting off the bus, 24 hours later, I thought that by being laser-focused and heading straight to class, I could be the first to share the news of that shooting.
But there was a problem with that. Seconds before I got off the bus, a bully had thrown a little kid against the front doors of the cafeteria, nearly shattering both doors. The kid had to go to the hospital, while the bully had to face the consequences of his actions.
I remember hearing the immediate aftermath of that event. I briefly watched the crowd of kids rushing to the cafeteria doors to observe what had just happened.
However, it was my need to share the news of an already known tragedy that overrode any other decision I could have made. I could have attempted to check things out, to see who that kid was, or to just care.
All of that happened almost 27 years ago. During all of the years I have lived in Colorado, I have never known any survivor of the Columbine High School shooting. In high school, I had an English teacher who knew some people who went to Columbine during that time. Yet, what happened on April 20th, 1999 never impacted me in any way.
While there was no social media or widespread internet use in 1999, everyone with a television would have known about the Columbine High School shooting before I even got off the bus to tell anyone at school.
I often have wondered why I remember what happened to that kid and why I still remember it to this day.
Why have I told you this story? Why have I gone into so much detail about what happened to someone I do not even remember?
There are times in our lives when we have a choice: we can either get lost in our own concerns about things that are beyond our control, or we can be present where we live, and we can look and see how we can love and help those around us.
I believe the reason I remember what happened to that kid so clearly, and also what happened at Columbine High School the day prior, is that this is a moment that God would want me to reflect on as I got older.
As wars, bottomless rabbit holes, Epstein files, and other things have clamored for my attention, I have gotten lost in anxiety. As a believer, and as a schizophrenic, it has become a constant battle to just go outside, to just be in the real world with others.
Also, it does not help that social media and news outlets now have a rather “schizophrenic” obsession with going down endless rabbit holes in search of the truth. Yet, the reality is that their “schizophrenic” obsession has far too often been proven right. The release of the Epstein files so far has proved many prior “conspiracy theories” to indeed be true.
So, what can I do? What can we do? How can we handle our own challenges, disabilities, and illnesses, and not become overwhelmed by the vile wickedness that plagues our world today?
Well. it can start by doing something simple. We can just go outside. We can go for a walk or go for a run. We can look at the stars and enjoy God’s creation. We can spend time with friends, with family, with those who are around us. We can go to church and choose to praise God and choose to have hope.
Then, we can open up a book, one of which is probably a little dusty for most of us. We can read it and get lost in stories that will never cause anxiety or induce insanity. As we read this book, we can understand a narrative about Someone who is in control, Someone who loves us, who died to save us, and is coming soon to bring us to Heaven.
In choosing this path, we can learn to love others like Jesus. We can grow, and we can reach a wonderful point in our lives. We can get to a place where we don’t remember how we could have helped others, but where we remember all of the times that we did.
And in doing so, we can honor Jesus.
Until Next Time,
Jacob R. McGowen
The Adventures of A Warrior 