Before the year 2020, I would regularly use Uber to go to work, to go to doctors’ appointments, to go to the movies, get groceries, etc. When the COVID era ended, and when I was no longer working, I did not need Uber rides as much as I did before.
That being said, out of all the Uber rides I have ever taken, one stands out, not because I fully and accurately remember what happened, but because of the fear I felt and the relief that came over me as soon as I stepped out of the car.
I will now tell you the story of that Uber ride.
One day, during the summer of 2023, I got an Uber ride to the movie theater where I had previously worked.
While talking with the Uber driver, we talked about movies, Hollywood, and celebrities in general. Then, the conversation changed as we began to talk about some of the darker things Hollywood is commonly associated with.
What the Uber driver likely then said was the following statement:
“I just saw a documentary about a Hollywood producer who gave away a kid to be trafficked.”
With all that has come out about men like P. Diddy, Jeffrey Epstein, R. Kelly, and all of the documentaries that have been made about men like them, I believe that is what that Uber driver told me.
Yet, what my schizophrenic mind thought he said was something different:
“I know a guy who gave away a kid to a Hollywood producer to be trafficked.”
Yet, whether or not he said the first statement or the second, I cannot honestly tell you. My mind blacked out all that happened after that moment. All that I remember was stepping out of the car and being so thankful that the Uber driver was gone.
Now, to explain a little more about my experience living with schizophrenia and also a seizure condition, which I do not often share publicly.
On occasion, I have brief absent seizures, in which I literally cannot hear what someone is saying. I can see a glass fall to the kitchen floor, but I do not realize it until the glass has broken and its contents have spilled and made a mess.
Due to my schizophrenia, whenever I do not accurately hear what someone says, sometimes as a way of “hearing voices,” my mind fills in the blanks, usually with a set script of insults which I will not share. Generally speaking, the “voices” in my head often come from names people have actually called me or my own insecurities.
When I thought I heard the Uber driver say, “I know a guy who gave away a kid to a Hollywood producer to be trafficked,” it most likely was a “false voice” speaking a distorted statement to me. The “voice” saying what I thought the driver said likely happened because, ever since 2020, up until that moment, and beyond, I was obsessed with every dark government, Hollywood, global news story, and conspiracy imaginable, all of which often spoke of child and human sex trafficking.
Whether or not I truly “misheard” or heard a “distorted voice” from that Uber driver that day, in that moment, I was afraid. Afraid of being even barely near someone that could be connected to such a sinister, dark, and wicked world, one of which had made me more anxious and “mad as a hatter” just by learning about it.
I hated and still hate what listening to conspiracies and negative news stories does to me whenever I go down every “rabbit hole” out there. Yet, my focus was, and remains whenever I fall deeper down the “rabbit holes,” to “be prepared” for every horrible thing that can happen, and to never be shocked whenever something happens or something is “revealed.”
Knowing about the hidden battle of good and evil, played out in the demonic and twisted world of “the Deep State, the Illuminati, etc,” drives so many conspiracies and news stories today. Entire podcasters have and continue to devote hundreds of hours to going down every “rabbit hole,” being prepared “for every next pandemic,” and trying to predict the “white hats” and “black hats” every move.
Yet, long ago, in the book of Genesis, a woman in the Garden named Eve was also told about “knowing good and evil.”
Genesis 3: 1-5 NIV
The Fall
3 Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”
2 The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3 but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”
4 “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. 5 “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
Whether or not you have much experience reading the Bible, you know what happened next. Eve ate the fruit that the Lord God told her not to eat, and she gave that fruit to Adam, who also ate. Then, having both committed the first sin, Adam and Eve were cast out of the Garden. And ever since that moment, the curse of sin and a broken and fallen world has plagued humanity.
You and I may not have brought additional sin into the world by going down endless “rabbit holes” of negative news stories and conspiracy theories. Yet, as a moment for us to reflect, I will ask all of you now.
Has learning everything there is to know about this couple…
Or this place?
Or these V.I.P. events?
Or this billionaire?
Made you happier? Less anxious? Less bitter or cynical? Less paranoid? Less crazy?
While there are legitimate evil facts and truths associated with these individuals and “events,” I would have to say that spending hundreds of hours, like I have, thinking about all these things, has not made you or me happier. Just attempting to know everything there is to know about “good and evil,” what in reality only God knows, while not creating sin, has led so many of us to various coping mechanisms that inevitably progress to addictions, which lead us to sin, just like Adam and Eve did in the Garden.
Our bodies and our minds were created with limits by our loving and gracious Creator. No matter if we are disabled or not, sane or insane, we were not made to know what tomorrow holds. We cannot and will never be prepared for every possible bad thing that can happen, or even be capable of having everything we think we need to survive. While there is wisdom in being prepared to a certain extent and having a general knowledge of world events, we must accept our limited minds and our limited bodies.
After doing this, we need to submit ourselves to and trust in the Lord God who made us, and know that He is in control, and that He will provide for all our needs, no matter what the future holds for us.
If you have stayed with me this far, thank you.
Before I end this blog post, I am going to share with you all one final picture, which is an MRI.
This is an MRI of my brain. Somewhere in the bottom, a neurologist could show you where I have a benign arachnoid cyst. You can search on Google for what an arachnoid cyst is if you’re interested.
In conclusion, I will say this:
If my brain, which resides within my head, is 100% bigger than all of my readers, and most everyone that I meet in the world, and it cannot handle every dark conspiracy theory and news story out there, then your regular-sized brain can’t either.
So, trust the Lord, and in doing so, learn to accept your limitations, whatever they may be. All I preach here is what I still need to learn and remember in my life, just as much as you do in yours.
Until Next Time,
Jacob R. McGowen
The Adventures of A Warrior 