Like so many of you, I do not like face-masks, even though I wear a mask and understand the importance of wearing one. In the words of Theodore Geisel, ” I do not like them here or there, I do not like them anywhere.”
However, as someone with schizophrenia, there is something I appreciate about wearing a mask. When wearing one, it’s harder to reveal yours or someone else’s complete facial expression. Sure, you can see their eyes, but underneath their masks, are they frowning, smiling, or gritting their teeth in frustration over life?
Due to the fact that I rarely give full eye contact to anyone, not even my own family, before COVID up till now, there are many times when I don’t see other peoples’ complete expressions. I focus on their eyes, or tone of their voice, and then make assumptions about their feelings towards me, which are usually negative. Thankfully, wearing a mask has eased that stress, even if it’s only in a very small amount.
Not being able to maintain consistent eye contact has perhaps led people to think I don’t care about them. In reality, I just want to talk them, not look at them, for trying to keep eye contact feels like my eyes are weight lifting from the ground up in order to attempt such a thing.
Yet, hard as it may be, attempting to make eye contact over the years has taught me that people aren’t always what they seem.
In an English class at CSU in Fort Collins, CO nine years ago, I sat always face forward to the professor, hardly ever talking or trying to communicate with anyone else. Behind me that semester, there was an African-American guy, who every time he talked made me think, “He sounds just like Morgan Freeman.” It wasn’t until the end of the semester that I turned around in my desk and saw that, though he sounded like Morgan Freeman, he definitely did not look like him in the slightest.
In the current state of our world, as it has been for some time, we often tend to make assumptions about people. Based on their politics and their opinions, often broadly addressed on social media, we decide whether we like them or not. Then, there are so many times we choose to not communicate with them or even acknowledge their existence. If they don’t look like me, if they don’t think like me, if they don’t believe what I believe, then they just are not worth my time.
Yet, throughout my journey with my mental illness, I have learned, that though people may seem scary or hostile, that it is hard to look them in the eye, and though I may never be able to always tell how they feel about me, that pursuing others as acquaintances, as friends, and as family members, gives potential for growth and for true life.
So, in this world of division, in every moment where the Devil wants to “steal, kill, and destroy,” perhaps it is time to interact with people, in the real world if possible or Zoom if not, to strike up a conversation, but more importantly, build a relationship, and then allow Jesus to step in, and bring His healing power to transform us all.
It can start with a greeting, a question, or even, just giving someone eye contact.
Until Next Time,
Jacob McGowen
The Adventures of A Warrior 