I have never liked the unwelcome aspect of life called change. Whether it was moving back and forth between Louisiana and Colorado when I was younger, walking through the death of a loved one or pet, receiving an answer of no when I wanted a yes, or just the randomness of life, all forms of change have taken a great amount of time for me to walk through.
A more recent potential change that I feared would certainly happen, first came to my attention about three years ago. It was at that time that the management of my apartment building in Fort Collins told me that because of reasons beyond my control, there was a chance I could lose my room.
Beginning when I first heard from the landlord, she was consistent in assuring me that she would do everything in her power to keep me in the building. She regularly informed me of all that was going on regarding the process for me to stay.
Despite all of the updates, you would think that my best response would have been to not worry, and in turn, to trust God. I would also agree that that was and is true.
Yet, for someone with a mental illness, especially with something like schizophrenia, when the months of waiting for an answer turn into years, not having a clear answer does not help.
So, though I did what I could to get help from counselors and therapists to try to find out how I could stay in Fort Collins and maintain a good quality of life, and though I prayed for God to provide and asked friends and family members to pray as well, I found myself repetitively being in the same state: unstable, unmotivated, and depressed.
And more recently, when it seemed like I would likely not be able to continue living in Fort Collins, I lingered on negative thoughts: that I could not have a job full time like everyone else, that I could not as easily find places to live like my friends, and that I could do nothing to change things or pursue my dreams.
All those thought patterns and behaviors prevailed mightily.
Until last Friday morning, when I received a phone call from my landlord, that said, “I have good news… You can stay!”
I was in shock, so much that I had to call again on Monday, to be sure I hadn’t misheard her. I am still somewhat in shock now.
Yet, what lingers more, is a sense of wonder and amazement at the miracle of what God has done.
He has now made a way for me, a 29-year-old schizophrenic man, to continue to live in an apartment building that I love and that is good for me, and only because of His provision.
He has made a way, for me to continue to live minutes and footsteps away from the library, the coffee-shops, and restaurants of Old Town Fort Collins, along with the local MAX bus route, when others places, here or back home or in Steamboat Springs, may not have been as close or convenient.
He has been faithful.
In conclusion, in the more recent words of singer Lauren Daigle, all I can say is…
“HE’S STILL ROLLING STONES!”
And though tomorrow is not promised and will always be uncertain, I now have one more reason to trust Him.
-Jacob McGowen
September 2018
The Adventures of A Warrior 