Once upon a time, I did not have schizophrenia. I had never even heard of Uganda, and did not know where Steamboat Springs, Hayden, or Fort Collins, CO even were. I was in the 4th grade, and I loved music and movies, even more than I do now.
Back in those days, however, one artist stood above all the rest for the kids my age. The girls wanted to be like her and the guys wanted to love her. Her name was Britney Spears.
My little cousins, all girls, and my sister adored Britney Spears. Since we lived in the country and I did not have many friends at the time, I would “direct” them in full on re-enactments of Britney Spears’ videos such as “Oops I Did It Again” and “Lucky,” while our grandparents and family watched.
When we were younger, we watched Britney Spears and all our favorite singers on the Disney Channel. Yet, we never even imagined the transformation and pain they would go through as we got older, especially Britney Spears herself.
I went to church today and listened as our head pastor, Pastor Aaron Stern, spoke of the storms he encountered over the past six years up to now. He spoke of losing a daughter, and also of how currently, he had lost vision in one eye, and was about to have surgery on his left eye. He spoke of the pain he was feeling and the worries of his future.
Yet, it was when he showed us how he bowed on his knees before God and rededicated his life to Him, that I was left with a powerful reminder.
I have spoken about this many times, but so often I come to church and I watch pastors and fellow church members put on a face and never truly show brokenness, never show humility, never be real. Then, when this happens, though it is not their fault, it makes it easier for me to believe the lies of the Devil and the delusion that I am the only one with problems and that every one else has everything under control.
That is why, watching Pastor Aaron speak today is something I considered a gift. For now, I don’t feel so different. Now, I feel not only closer to him but to every one around me. I’m not positive, but perhaps today’s sermon was God’s way of showing me that I’m not a “cursed fairy-tale character” as I often like to say. Perhaps it was an opportunity to know that whether its Britney Spears or a best friend, that everyone is broken, everyone is in need, and when they feel pain, that everyone feels the “tears that come at night.”
Even though I will forget, perhaps today is an opportunity for change, perhaps today is a chance to move beyond the fantasy and into His glorious life.
Until Next Time,
Jacobo
The Adventures of A Warrior 