A Holy Epiphany

Philippians 4:11-13

¹¹ I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ¹² I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³ I can do all this through him who gives me strength

During one semester my second year at CSU, I sat down for lunch with Bobby Rainbolt, one of the long time staff members at CRU@CSU. I met Bobby for lunch many times during college and during many of those times, I did not look so good, or smell so good either. I would come to lunch, hair sticking up everywhere, and tell him about my crazy homework, reading, oversleeping, and lack of sleep.

That one day, however, I remember telling him about my struggles with contentment. Much like now, I was having struggles being satisfied when others seemed to be having an easier time in college and when all their “dreams” seemed to be coming true.

It was that day, however, that Bobby gave a small bit of spiritual insight that I would never forget. He told me that one of the most popular memory verses, Philippians 4:13, was written by Paul, but intended to be about dealing with contentment. He told me, that as Paul said, that the secret to “being content in any and every situation” is Jesus.

That conversation with Bobby was monumental for me, and that truth has carried me through since that day.

In less than a week, we will experience the 13th anniversary of 9/11. I have watched the news and been terrified of it. As someone with a mental illness, I am terrified of change. I have already encountered a lot of change this year, and to live in a world that they talk about on the news, a world of terror and devastation, a world without all the comforts and perhaps the family and friends I love,  stirs the clouds of insanity within me.

I called a friend, Matt Naugle, tonight and asked if he could pray for me about my fears. He patiently said he would, as I spiraled into an anxious rant. Yet, after we talked and while I was walking home, I was hit with a holy epiphany.

I know what it’s like to live without comforts and I know what it’s like to be apart from family and friends, to even have no friends. I have lived in two different cultures and traveled thousands of miles from home. When I did not have the comforts of movies and music, I chased a hen out of a house in Africa and threw a bucket of water on a rooster. I could have died in Africa or been killed. I even got lost and somehow found it home.

I say all this, to make one point. For so long, I have tried, failed, and beat myself up for not being able to fit in in America. Yet, if I close my eyes, shut the door, and just remember, I can know that I have survived and thrived in many places, all thanks to Jesus.

So, even if Chicken Little is right and the “sky falls down” tomorrow, I can look up at that same sky and know that He “reigns above and below the clouds” and that He is holding me, all his children, and this crazy world in His hands.

Until Next Time,

Jacobo