Part of His Kingdom

Yesterday started out like a typical Monday for me. However, I had the bonus of looking forward to coffee with a friend, which I enjoyed.

While my time with my new friend was good last night, I cannot say that the rest of the day measured up. I had been led to believe that a Christian non-profit was interested in me working and/or volunteering for them.  When the director called, and told me that she thought it would be hard for me to work with them, simply because I could not physically commute to their offices, I became angry. I was polite on the phone, but as soon as I got off, I was furious. “You mean you can work with people thousands of miles away, on the other side of the world, but you find it difficult to work with someone thirty minutes away?! Have you not heard of the internet?”

I know “you can’t always get what you want,” as Mick Jagger used to say, but almost every single door for me this year has either not been opened or been closed.  I talked with my new friend about this last night, but lately I have grown weary of watching all of my friends and all of my family walk through life care-free, have all their dreams come true, and not even stumble across the dilemma of illness.

After hanging out at the coffee shop, I came home. I drank a lot of orange juice, took my medicine, and went to bed about midnight.

I’m not sure if it was a combination of drinking too much juice, which has messed with me before, or if I did forget to take my pills, but I proceeded to have a dream, which helped me to process the dark day I had gone through.

In my dream, I was a guy, much like myself, who was offered a opportunity to participate in a drug study. Not only would I be paid to be in this study, I would get to travel by train magically to be in another world.

The catch would be that my life’s intent and purpose would be solely about this study. I could not go back on the train to see my friends or family ever. The only time I go home would be to fulfill certain tasks of being in the “study” for my own health and for the study’s research.

While, I had the ability to drive and have a car, and while my wallet had been transformed into a new human friend, in this other world I only felt a deeper sorrow that could not be resolved in its boundaries. Back home, when I did return, my “wallet” friend transformed back into its original form, as just a billfold.

I wrote all of this down at about 2 in the morning. If you saw my message on Facebook last night, you could probably tell I was a little out of it. When I looked back at my notes from last night this morning, I had doubts as well.

Even though it doesn’t all make sense, I believe God was trying to tell me one thing. I believe He wanted me to see that even if I could drive, even if I could travel freely, be a typical guy, I would still long for more.

So many people have tried to tell me this, but as I am writing this now, I know it to be true. God, friends, family are the foundation of a good life. Contentment in life and in the many “worlds” on Earth can only be found in Him.Nothing else could ever come close to knowing Jesus, and while there are no  “happily ever afters,” with Jesus, we will all get to experience, a “happy ending.”

Until Next Time,

Jacobo